The Prejudice against Christian Parenting

A few popular but misguided Christian parenting programs have caused quite a controversy. It’s caused people to be skeptical of Christian parenting in general; in fact, many people believe the term “Christian parenting” is synonymous with child abuse.

Spanking

At the center of much of the controversy is the issue of spanking. “Christian parenting” translates to “Spare the rod and spoil the child” (Proverbs 13:24) for many people. There are a lot of arguments for and against spanking and even the experts, both Christian and secular, disagree about whether to spank or not.

Many of us were raised in an era where spanking was not only an accepted form of discipline, but parents were remiss if they didn’t give their kids a spanking when they needed it. That is not true today as we more aware of child abuse and more cautious of using any form of physical punishment. The cultural standard has changed, too, and spanking is generally frowned upon.

The spanking issue is volatile enough that some people who do believe that spanking is an acceptable form of discipline are afraid that they will be vilified and might even lose their children for spanking them.

On the other side of the fence, those who strongly oppose spanking feel that it leads to abuse and is, in fact, abuse because it’s inappropriate for people to hit one another.

Saying that all Christian parenting encourages spanking is, however, incorrect and uninformed, and prejudiced. Some Christian parenting programs do encourage spanking. So do some secular parenting experts. But not all Christians spank their children as it’s a philosophical disagreement, not a theological one.

Growing Kids God’s Way

Growing Kids God’s Way was introduced about ten years ago, and was initially well accepted in the Christian community. Thousands of Christian parents went to classes and enthusiastically followed the program, but it quickly became very controversial. Most of the controversy centers around three major teachings: infant feeding, servanthood and “first time obedience.”

Infant feeding

This to begin teaching the child that he is not the center of the world and that his needs will be met, but not necessarily when the child wants them met. That contradicts what most child experts teach and what most parents believe by instinct: that hungry babies need fed when they are hungry.

Servanthood

Servanthood is taught by modeling that the relationship between Mom and Dad takes priority over the children in all circumstances, and that Dad is the head of the household. Dinner is served to Dad first, and his needs and desires are most important. This creates a family hierarchy that places the children at the bottom.

First time obedience

Children are to obey the first time a parent tells them to do something. If they do not, they are sinning. If the parent repeats the request, he or she is sinning because he or she is reinforcing the child’s sinful behavior.

People think of Growing Kids God’s Way as “that Christian parenting program,” which makes them even more prejudiced against Christian parenting. In truth, Growing Kids God’s Way has fallen into disfavor in Christian circles for the same reasons it is rejected by everybody else.

The prejudice against Christian parenting has caused people to throw the baby out with the bathwater. Because of a few ill-advised Christian parenting programs, and because Christian parents are stereotyped as harsh, spanking disciplinarians, Christian parenting principles are rejected. That’s unfortunate. Christian parenting isn’t child abuse. It’s simply parenting by Christians, who are looking for the same answers and guidance everybody else is.

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